im in need.

Sometimes i asked myself this question ''is my way of helping others correct?'' Sometimes i feel stupid when i help those who doesnt even appreciate it.They will find me when they're in need and leave me when they're not.And when im in need,i have no one to help me through but except for God alone.I really want to impact others life by helping them but did i really impacted their lives?the answer is No.Whenever im in need,i really want to find someone just to be a listener to my problems but somehow i only can find Jesus and keeping it to myself.Seriously i dont like the feeling of hiding so many things inside myself.I feel like shouting all out.But Jesus just spoke to me one thing just now during prayer meeting when sherene prayed for me.Jesus spoke to me that,its okay if theres no one by my side because Jesus is always by my side listening to my problems.And Jesus also spoke to me that even if i have no one being by my side loving me,Jesus will always by my side loving me.He'll never leave me.
And lately i've been thinking alot about studies,my life,friends,family and alot more.I really wanna shout it all to God alone but somehow i just couldnt do it.I pray that i could able to overcome this with God' alone.

my final prom nite in school

My final prom night has just ended which was yesterday.Frankly speaking,it was kinda bored like last year because firstly it held in school and secondly,everyone had to sit still in the hall watching all the performances.While the food,well no comment.It was not the best for me but i just ate it as i was starving that time.Well overall this year prom night doesnt turned out what i've expected.I took pictures with friends most of the time instead.After the prom night ended,i went for second round with my schoolmates at de garden.We went to pappa rich for a short supper then we walk around the 'de garden'.One of my friend decided to go Airport pub to have a look at the environment that is newly launched.As we stood outside the airport and have a look at the menu,it really stunned us as the price was so 'nice'.lol.but thank God that we didnt go as i dont like those place.Instead of going airport,we stood outside the airport pub and took picture of the airport poster.That was really made me LOL-ed. As we were kept posing with the airport poster for photo taking.Even the guard looked at us like one kind.haha.After that,we went around the area to pose and took pictures.Seriously this was my first time posing around with friends and taking lots of pictures.Well i'll upload the pictures soon and share with you all as i need time to collect all of my pictures from my friends:)Now everything has ended and stpm is just one month ahead.This could be my final lap before i am free from schooling life.And I have to work extremely hard for stpm to prevent any regretness by the end of the year and one the result day.And i need Jesus to strengthens me and work with me through it=)


taken by DSLR camera:)

home alone.

Today im home alone again as my parents has gone down to KL to visit my sisters.I felt freedom although im home alone because im free from all the nagging from my mom.But she did called me a few times to checked on me.This morning i felt quite different than usual.Normally i dont talk much with my parents.But this morning when my parents going out to railway station by taxi,my dad actually told me to take care and my mom bid goodbye to me.I just kept quiet not because im being cool or what but i was stunned that time and do not know what to reply to them.I never experience this before.Although this might be a small thing or nothing to others but this is something for me.Anyway today is special compared to other days because i cooked breakfast for myself.It was not my first time cooking breakfast but it was my first time cooking pasta.lol.Normally my mom did all the cookings and my duty is to wait for it to serve:)MY first time pasta was nice i would say.lol.Gonna practice my cooking skill more.lol:)

an awful feeling

Why am i having this feeling again?Deep in my heart,i felt being stab by a knife.Im trying not to think of it but somehow my mind keeps reminding me.Whenever i have this feeling,i feel like crying out loud but i held back my tears.I seriously feel so awful even right now.Whenever i got criticize by others,the scar in my heart is getting deeper.i wanted to attack back but somehow i gotta control my temper.i guess God is training me to be patience?I cant do anything now except look to Jesus.I pray that God will heal my broken heart.

outing with my bestie!

Last saturday(4/9/10) indeed a memorable day for me.In the afternoon,i went for badminton with Sek Kit and Liyen.Kinda fun though kept crapping with Sek Kit and had a good conversation with him.Later at night,i went for steamboat with Sek Kit,Li Yen,Jia An,Sara and Khai Mei.I felt so good that i could able to spend my time with my friends like this again since the last time in secondary school.For once,i really felt the joy during that time.I believe that it was God's blessing upon me and my friends.But God dont do His duty half way.God do His duty to the fullness and in perfection.After steamboat,i went to Liyen's house to overnight because the next day we went church together.At night,i really had a good girls talk with liyen.Honestly,in secondary school i used to stick with my classmates only.And liyen,i would say i wasnt close with her that time.But God is awesome,because He brought liyen into my life as a true friend and a good sister.After chatting half way,we watched Maria Sharapova's match in tennis tournament(as requested by Sek Kit..lol).When i watched with their family,i really felt the warmness as a family.When i see their family's relationship that is so close and understanding,i felt abit of envy.But i believe that God will also do the same thing in my family.And although happy moments always pass so fast as if 2 times faster but i really do treasure it alot.Thank God for giving me this moments of experiencing the true friendship.And yeah im so glad seeing my friends accepted Christ as personal Lord and Savior.PTL!!

updates:)

Finally i have time to update this blog.i've been abandon this blog for almost 2 months due to my trials exam and my laziness.Anyway there are many things happened these 2 months but im not gonna talk about the whole story.Trials has ended last week and i just got back my history paper 1 and economic paper 1.when i got back my papers,again disappointment filled my heart.I didnt do well for my trials.And getting 50 as a passing mark is so hard i would say.sigh.i keep thinking am i gonna really pass all my subjects in STPM? my faith has shaken whenever i got back my results.But thank God for speaking to and also through friends.i started to realised that friends around me are encouraging me to work hard in these remaining 2 months to STPM.Just now one my senior(elder than me a year) told me just study hard in these 2 months and i'll sure get at least B-.i was like wow,are u serious?He passed all his subjects in stpm last year.and he told me he just studied a few weeks before STPM and he passed.I promise myself again to really work hard in these 2 months.God also spoke to me through my classmate.He is one of the top students for history.He told me dont worry,i can pass my history in stpm.All i gotta do is to work hard.Im so touched and i know it was a message from God.

Anyway lately i've been out with my friends for outings.I feel so good when i get to meet up with my old friends and had a great time with them:) And yea i just wanna thank God for my friends Liyen,Sek kit and Jia an.It is God's calling upon them to go church:) i'll continue to pray that Jesus will touch them personally:)

Recently i am so into Big Bang.At first i dont really interested in Korean singers.But after listening to my classmates singing big bang songs and other korean songs everyday, i got influenced by them.

2 post in a row:)

Another update:)
This post im gonna update about the badminton tournament that happened on 31st july 10:)I joined this tourney for the second time this year.This time tournament was a bit different than the first time i joined back in march.This time was opened to all forms whereas the previous one organized by the 6th form badminton club which was opened to form sixers only.For this tournament,i've participated in 2 categories: female double and mixed double.For female double,i've partnered with hannah.We won for the first game whereas we lost for the second game. We had a great time during the first game as we kept laughing while playing with See Kei and Chin Yin.While for mixed double,i've partnered with Lee Jia Zhen,a state player.We won for the first game too but lost in semi finals.Kinda disappointed though that we couldnt make it to finals where we gonna have match with Sek kit and Yean Kit.Before the semi-finals,jia zhen,me,sek kit and yean kit were saying that we must fight to the finals together.But sadly jia zhen and i lost in the semi finals.We were physically tired for the last game and i couldnt focus well and made alot of mistakes during the game.But overall indeed a good game.Jia Zhen taught me a few techniques while we waiting for our turn to play.At first i thought Jia Zhen was an arrogant person.He is so cool and didnt talked much when i kept talking to him.But i didnt give up by talking to him although i didnt get much of his respond.But after short while,he began to talk to me and we had a quite good conversation.Through this tournament i've gained new experience and my interest in badminton getting deeper.And i plan to go for a proper training after my stpm.

Updates

finally i've time to update.im gonna tell u guys about my birthday celebration although it was few days ago.I would say that this year was really different than previous years.Since the year i was born till the 18th birthday,i never celebrated my birthday with my friends.What i did was just had dinner with my family.This year was really a great one i would say.Had a lot of surprised although i suspected quite a lot of things regarding the surprised celebration.Firstly was during CF meeting as my birthday falls on friday which i had my cf meeting every friday.Xue ning planned the whole surprised celebration with our cf members.I was really touched that i could able to celebrate with friends for the first.But the blessings didnt just stop there.God is so great that He even gave me a second celebration with my cell group members.Although it was a small celebration but it really meant a lot.After powerhouse i went to one of my comm members house for my final disco prefects outing.I did suspected that my disco members will throw me a surprise birthday celebration as one my members told me there will 'something special' for me during the outing.When i had my sharing with my disco members suddenly i saw some of them bringing the cake to me and they sang birthday song for me and i was really touched.After i made a wish they put creams on my face and they began with the water game.I glad that my last disco outing was the most memorable one=) Really thank God with His overflowing blessings=)

From CF

from VAL and family:)


from green team


from fareesh

from jia heng

from faiz

a netbook from my 3rd sister
and an "Anna Sui' perfume from my 2 elder sisters:)

everything has ended

Everything has ended now.What has ended? Well,its about my prefects life.Everything has come to then end after a year of prefecting in school.Lately prefects were in a chaotic situation between teachers and prefects.And this has become the 'hot' topic among the students and outsiders.I really unexpected it to happen in prefectorial board.It was like a drama going on.Many prefects had left the board due to boycott of what the teacher doing.Later on,those who resigned were being terminated by the teacher incharge.I felt that was like having some game and see who got defeated?Recently most of us really stressed out with this matter and with all the gossips going in and out of the school.At first i planned to resign as well and follow the rest but after i've thought it over again,i've changed my mind to remain as prefect and 'tahan' untill the AGM (which is today).One reason that caused me changed my mind to remain in prefect is because of disco(discipline commission).There were a few things i've not finished .And today was the day that all of us,prefects,were waiting for it to come.This morning most of us were excited because its the AGM day.And everything will ends during the agm.But it does not ends what we expected it.And what had happened was far away from our expectation.Just a few minute before the meeting starts,we were informed that upper 6 and form 5 were not allow to attend the meeting which means that we were banned from the agm.I was like"WHAT?!!!" Imagine,we've been waiting for the agm to come and we ended up not allowed to attend.???!!I was so mad that time.How can they not let us to attend our last agm.??They are a few peoples who actually make out all these chaos.Although we couldnt attend the agm but we had our own agm.Many of us had shared alot of things,happy and sad things.We shared our joy and sorrow together.From there i realised that we do have a family and a strong one in prefectorial board.After our agm,we finally felt relieved.Although it was a rough ending for us but we are satisfied with it as we knew we have already won the battle.And im glad im officially retired from prefect and can sleep longer in the morning:)

Its okay=)

Just came back from powerhouse.Well powerhouse was just like usual.But the only different was God spoke to me about my weaknesses and it literally linked to the problems that im facing.What Mei Sum shared was really powerful that whenever we face trials and tribulation,God will be right beside us and say ''Its Okay'' because God is here for us to bring us through the tough times.And what Edmond had shared to us was no matter what challenges we face whether is family challenges,studies challenges,friendship challenges or relationship challenges,God will help us through.God will not solve it by Hiimself for us but He will only help us because He wants us to grow.I pray hard that things will be better for the coming days.

bitterness + sourness

Today really not my day.Right now im filled with bitterness and sourness in my heart.Listening to those discouraging words from others.And being alienated by others.Whenever others talking about something secretive,they'll give a signal to me to move away.I feel kind of hurt when seeing them like that but i couldnt do anything other than moving away to another place.I realised that my life now is full of discouragement that people gave me in school and also at home.i can forget what people had discouraged me in school but whenever i get home,there are even more discouragement to me.Many people says that discouragement is something like a challenge for us to do better.But what if the discouragement has over the limit?is it a good sign for a human?i feel that being discouraged too much by people,it'll pull my confident down to negative.I can honestly says that i'm a sensitive type of person.Why am i so sensitive is because i've been hearing a lot of discouraging words from others and thats why it made me to be like this .I'm looking for someone to be my listener to listen every of my problems but somehow i couldnt find a trusted one.All i can express my problems is to write it down here in my blog.And hiding myself at the corner with tears flowing down on my cheek.

I really thank God for my beloved sister Sara today to listen part of my problems and give me some guidance and motivation how to solve those problems.I'm not that type of person where i can express my problems in verbal contract.One thing that i agreed with her is that i love to keep things to myself.I wish that i could able to talk to her every single problems that i faced but somehow time doesnt allow me to do so as shes leaving for her university.Now i have to depends all by myself to hold on in this situation till after my schooling life.

RIP Park Yong-Ha

South Korean actor and singer Park Yong-ha(acted the role of Kim Sang-Hyuk in TV drama "Winter Sonata.") has committed suicide in his home in Southern Seoul. It was shocking news for showbiz industry and for his fans as well. The attractive and young star found dead in his room and his body was hanging from a cell phone charging cable. Police are investigating and according to initial reports apparently it’s a suicide case. Police officials have refused to provide any further detail related to case. On Tuesday night he spent time with his father who is suffering from cancer and went to his room at 00:40am. After leaving he massaged his father, “I’m Sorry”. In the morning approximately at 5:30am when her mother went to his room she found him dead.

A source says that Park Yong-ha was depressed most probably due to his father’s illness. But now his fans want to know the exact reason of his death. They want to know was it suicide or someone killed him.
Last time he called his friend Kim Jae-joong(TVXQ's member) and when the news of his death went public Kim said,

"He sounded chirpy on the phone; I didn't feel like he acting out of sorts. We even promised to meet up when I'm back in Korea. I am shocked."

Well i'm not a fan of him but when i saw the news from tv,i was really shocked.Is a waste that he chose to end his life like that with his early age.He is not only good looking but he is talented as well.But we do not know what he is facing in his daily life.No one knows the main reason why he committed suicide.But one lesson that really hits me is that life is precious.
Well what i think that we,humans have one life.And when its gone and it will gone forever.Some people face problems that cant be solve or rather no solution and therefore commit suicide is the only solution to get rid of the problems.Actually there is a solution for every problems that we face, its just how we look through it.God created us.God gives us problems so that we could able to grow up and build our confident up when we go through those problem.God does not give us trials that beyond our strength.Commit Suicide is NOT a solution to get rid of the problems of our lives.Instead it is a SIN.
Well thats all.


May you Rest In Peace.

GLEE!

Lately i'm kind of into Glee the comedy tv series.Love their songs so much! heres one of my favourite song by Glee:)

updates:)

Yes FInally i've changed my blog layout.Now,i feel that my blog looks brighter compared to my old-dull layout.Anyway,first week of holidays has past and now left one more week of holidays before i get myself back to school.Time moves so fast that i cant imagine.How i wish i have more time.And whenever i think of time it automatically link me to STPM.ARGHH! 2months to trials..*Nooooooo!!!!!* Seriously i didnt do any revision for this whole week of holidays.Laziness keep haunting me..*ahhhhhhhhh* anyway i think i better not to continue mentioning about ASS TEA PEE AM.It drives me crazy.Seems like i actually have nothing to write so i guess i'll just stop here:)

Updates

YeS!! Finally i have time to update this blog.Well exam has ended and it was such a stressful week for me.i seriously didnt have a good night rest as i slept at 3am every night during the mid term exams.Anyway not to mention how was my exams as i was not prepared to sit for it and my results, i bet it will be worse than i've expected to be.Not gonna talk about it anyway.Holidays is just around the corner.Well i have to really make full use of my holidays to work extremely hard for ASS TEA PEE AM(STPM).No playing and fooling around anymore.Sometimes I wonder what course should i study after my STPM?And the question ''what path will i take in the future??'' keep running in my mind.Seriously i'm still blur and not making up my mind to choose which path to take in future.That day my sis asked me what course i want to study after i completed my form 6.I do not know what to answer her as i'm still not decide yet.I personally wanted to further my study in art and design.But when my sis giving me a few courses like business management that mainly offers by the gov after STPM ,i was really confuse and doubt as business management is not what i actually want to study in future.And she said that if i want to change to design course,the fees will be more expensive as all my sisters will be sharing to pay for my education.I dont want to burden my sisters for using up so much money on me.So right now im kinda confuse of what course suits me and its affordable.Have to pray hard about it.My future is in God's hand.I really have pray that God will help me to decide which course i should take.And i believe God's decision is the best decision for my life.

Yea..another update about the choir competition that i mentioned in my previous post.well my school did not get any placing.Was kinda disappointed seeing their standard of performance has dropped.They didnt put enough of afford for this competition.After watching the recorded video,i have a few comments of why they didnt get placing was because the way they delivered the songs is not attentive enough.Seriously there were not dynamic and feelings in it and its too rushing.Well i think these are the reasons why judges didnt give them high marks.And the final results were AMC again the champion,Sam tet the 1st runner up and TCS as the 2nd runner-up.I've posted SMC,AMC and ST videos in youtube.Feel free to take a look of it=)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ga32vQcfHNw&feature=channel
SAM tet Choir

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mix98qv13o&feature=channel
SMC Choir

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjDXqWbOk4c&feature=channel
AMC Choir.

sick sick sick!

Feeling very sick now and really hate this feeling.Had a terrible flu last night and that caused me to skip school today.Today when i wake up,feeling very tired and my whole body aching.I lost my voice also.Prayerfully i'll be recover completely by tmr morning so that i could able to go school.Has been skipping school quite often lately.Have to stop skipping school before i receive a warning letter from school.

Updates

It is time to update my blog.Well MUET speaking has ended.Im quite satisfied with the topic given during my muet speaking test.I really thank GOd for answering my prayers that i got an easy question and managed to speak.Im not saying that i spoke very well during the test,there are some ''um...'' in between during my speaking but i managed to keep the conversation going.I really thank God that I don't have the feeling of nervous once i entered the room.I just felt very relaxed.When i sat down and looked at the question paper,I started to feel abit scared because i couldnt find where was the question when i was reading the instructions of the test.But once i looked further down,i found the questions and the question was:

Todays society more people want to lose weight,What is the main reason?
Task A
i.because of their health
ii.because of fashionable
iii.because of their job

iv.social pressure

I was in second session which was after recess and the first group to be tested.I was the candidate D which talked about social pressure.I could feel that God was really guiding me when i spoke during the test.Before i entered the room,my groupmates and I were very nervous.I looked at one of my group,John,he was so nervous and kept mumbling some words to himself and kept practicing how to greet the examiners.And then,just to release some tension,Su ling and I started singing by our own in the library to calm ourselves down.And the minute the teacher called us to registered outside the reference room,I started to say my last prayer in my heart before i enter.Really thank God that He answered every of my prayers.So overall,all of us were quite satisfied as the examiners kept nodded to our points while listening to us and they didnt comment anything about the point they are not clear or out of point.


Secondly,lower sixth intake had began on monday(10th May).Nothing much to say about the lower sixer.Just that it recalls me about my batch last year.Well one thing i dislike about it was that our place in canteen are fully occupied by the lower sixer during recess time.Thats all about the lower six.

Last Friday i went back to MC to see hows the choir progressing.Well they have a special choir teacher who is a trainee in MC.Their song selections are Putra Putri and The Glimpse of Malaysia.This time there is a slight difference compared to the previous years.The second song,the Glimpse Of Malaysia, consists of many type of language all over malaysia e.g:Iban,Kadazan, etc..Frankly speaking,i feel their standard dropped a lot compared to my senior's batch.80% of them are juniors and for soprano,most of them not strong enough to sing the soprano part.Quite disappointed when i listened to them singing.But maybe that was just beginning and hopefully they can do way better than that.After a short while,I met Valarie and we started chatting for about 40 min before we leave.Had a good conversation with her and misses her so much since the last time we met was last year during Kim's trip back here.Looking forward to meet Val again.Right here,just want to wish the choir group Good Luck on 25th May 2010.My support will always be with them.God bless=)

hopes=disappoinment

My heart beats even faster whenever i see him.
Trying to have a proper conversation with him but i do not have the courage to have a topic to talk about.
Whenever i see him,trying to greet him but somehow i felt being ignored by him.
I maybe too sensitive or thinking too much?
Whenever i expect more,somehow it turned the other way round than what i've expected to be.
I have no chance to talk to him.When i want to talk to him,he'll just walk away.
I can only see him from a distance.
And I'm satisfied with it though thats not what i expected.

back.

Muet exam has ended.I have the feeling that im gonna retake my muet again.Im quite disappointed that i didnt do well.I've wasted alot of time during my preparation and now i regretted for not making full use of time given to me for preparation.I did not managed my time well and caused me lack of time to finish my papers.sigh.Well everything is over now.All i need to do is to lift everything to God as i did my best.I pray very very hard to get at least band 4.nothing much i can do right now. I don't want to retake muet exam.Gotta pray hard for that.

Anyway tonight going to sam tet to watch the choir concert performed by sam tet choir and MIA ladies choir.and gonna support Qiu ning and kelvin ding=)

The picture above tells it all.Will resume updates after my MUET exam which falls on the 24th April.Stay tune:)

Friends

In our lives we meet many kind of people and we made a lot of friends.But finding a true friend is kind of hard in my opinion.Sometimes i feel so dumb to help a friend whenever they're in need but when they do not need you,they tend to ignore you and refuse to listen to your opinion.Well what does friends means?Basically friends means a person that is trustworthy,sharing all the joy,happiness or even sadness together and most importantly is to support each other.When a friend of mine is going through some issues,i decided to lend an ear to listen and tries to console by giving encouraging advise.But whenever i need someone the most to listen all my cries and problems,somehow they tend to help me in making decision according to what they think is right in doing something which is hurts me, without telling me.And the worse thing is that i just got to know that all the things that had happened is related to my close friend.I feel very hurt whenever i found out about it and i feel that i was being betrayed by a close friend.I do not know whom is my REAL TRUE friend.I really need a friend whom can listen to my cries,my hurts and not to make decision on behalf of me and respect me.I feel that it is pointless to help anyone whom always put me down.I love helping people but not to those who doesnt appreciate the friendship.

tired.

Lately im feeling very tired day by day with my packed scheduled.School life is getting very hectic as everyone is busy preparing for STPM.A part from school,i also have to be committed in my church activities.I really dont know whether i can handle all these.I felt myself is getting exhausted and with all the pushing by my every teacher that teaches me.Feeling the pressure right now.But somehow i must hold on with this situation and keep pressing on till after STPM is over.Really pray hard that God will grants me extraordinary strength to move on.

SMILE=D

A smile can brighten our lives.

One thing that Pastor Josef Chow impacted me is when he said that everyday is a Christmas day for him as he always put a smile on his face.This message really struck me as i realised myself always with the 'fu kua' face.(bitter face).Now i have to remind myself to put on a smile on my face as it does not only brighten my day but also brighten peoples around me just like the picture above.

new updates...

Sports day had ended which was held on 1st April.Well my class marching lost as i expected it la but one thing im satisfied was my class had put some afford in the end compared to the first time we started our marching.From the beginning our marching was really a disaster but for the little co-operation that contributed by the classmates,we managed to finish up the formation although it wasnt a perfect one.We never aim for placing but we aim for the teamwork.All of us satisfied of our performance although we did not win.Well we didnt win doesnt mean we are losers.Anyway cut the story short,congrats to USA3 by achieving champion for class marching.They really done a great job with all the co-operation,affords and teamwork.They deserved to grab the champion.

And now come to my sad story.I've lost my wallet on APRIL FOOL day.A day that really FOOLED me.I've lost my identity card,driving license,atm card etc.I was so so upset but at the meantime i was angry also.I was angry because of the person who took my wallet.I wondered why is there such a person who likes to steal in SMI?.Does he has any wisdom?i mean does he ever think that when someone lost a thing,how does that person feel?I really want to find out that person and give him a lesson.Anyway i just pray to God,no matter what i really need back my important stuffs in my wallet forgetting about the money.

Well about easter..erm..as usual went to church.There was a pastor came from penang called Pastor Josef Chow.He came to ipoh and ministered in my church on friday,saturday and sunday(today).Really had a great service with him preaching.I was amazed that he could able to preach strongly eventhough he is at the age of 74.He look very tough and firm.Well not gonna elaborate it as it'll take a long time.After service,i saw a gong gong(he is edmond koh's grandpa btw) and he reminded me of my grandpa.Tears began to flow from my eyes as when i looked at edmond's grandpa as if im looking at my grandpa.This feeling was so sudden.I was so envied when i looked at ed's grandpa.I which i could able to look at my grandpa now and take care of him.But he's already gone now.Even now i always think that my grandpa is still alive and be with me.I just miss him so much.but i have to accept the fact that life must move on and letting go of the past.Let the past be the history and look forward for the future.

to my beloved SISTA!!!

Right here i just wanna wish a very great friend of mine a happy birthday and she is none other than...*drum rolls*

Valarie Su-May Jalleh!!!!!!!
HAPPY 17th Birthday GIRL!!!!
(30/03/10)

so cute rite?



Jamming face

Me and her=)

Last Battle towards my Uni life!

Times really moves so fast.Just a blink of an eye and here goes my upper sixth life and just a few more months towards STPM.Nervous is the feeling that always haunt me everytime i face public exams.I recall back my years when i first sat for my UPSR exam,I was very very nervous and worried i couldnt get good results.After i got my results,I began to say that UPSR is nothing but PMR is something.And when i was about to sit for my PMR,again the same thought.I worried i couldnt get good results that i expected and the teacher expected me to get.When PMR over,i felt that PMR kacang only.But i satisfied of my PMR results although i didnt get what my teacher expected me to get.But i've tried my best.And lastly there goes SPM.In form 5,i really thought that SPM is very very important for my life.I remembered i did played alot and enjoying during my form 4 and 5 life.But towards the SPM examination,i started to get nervous and panic.But thank God for sherene giving me tuition on Science and English Literature subject.I was satisfied with my science subject grade as i never before to achieve that grade when i was in the 2 years upper secondary.As for my EL,it was my first time pass my EL for SPM.Really appreciate the hardworks and afford and time that Sherene had sacrifice for me.But all these are the history of my life.Now is the LAST BATTLE towards my Uni Life.I cant believe i've come so far to this level so fast and it is the last stage of schooling and approaching Uni life.STPM! Really must study extra hard for this exam.This exam is totally difference than the past public exams.This time is not just nervous but feeling scary too.Anyway i just wanna wish everyone who is sitting for STPM this year,all the best and work hard to achieve great results,And May God bless all of you!

a terrible dream

I would say today is a kinda bad day for me.Had a really sharp pain in my head this morning and it caused me cant stay focus in class this morning.I rested aka slept in class almost three period straight.And when i got back home,i took a nap.And theres this dream i dreamt.Its kinda frightening dream that i've never dreamt before.I dreamt that i was late for tuition and it was raining heavily.And all my tuitionmates were gone for tuition except for me and then i quickly run to tuition and as i ran, out of a sudden i was entered into a place where there have all the funeral services were taking place.I was kinda freaked out seeing all those funerals around me.Therefore i quickly ran and search for my tuition centre.As i was searching,i accidentally entered in a room where one of the funerals service were held and i saw the ''body'' lying on a table.I was stunned and suddenly a man approached me saying i have to join the funeral procession.And then i woke up immediately after that,And the minute i woke up,i prayed that Lord will remove whatever dream i dreamt that terrified me.THis is my first time having such a dream.I know dreams cant be reality but it really does frightened me.Will continue pray hard that i wouldnt get such a dream again.

bitterness

Based on my previous post,i was having undescribable feeling that made me felt the bitterness.God really spoke to me about bitterness during todays sunday service.What does bitterness means?It means that causing a sharply unpleasant, painful, or stinging sensation; harsh,or resulting from or expressive of severe grief, anguish, or disappointment .God spoke to me that when bitterness hinders me which means there is unforgiveness in me.This message strucked me strongly that i actually have not overcome the unforgiveness.And what does forgive means?does it means forgive and forget?Well what i've learnt today was when a person forgive someone,he or she will not forget the incident as it is a huge problem for a person and its hard to forget.Dont get me wrong of it that forgive and remembers or holdings back the past.What i mean is human have feelings,and after the incident happened somehow it'll recall back in our memories.But God spoke to me that forgive which means letting go of it and the rest let God settle it.We will somehow recall back the incident but we have to learn to let go and move on.There are always greater things ahead of us.Let go the past and move forward to achieve something greater than our expectations.I really thank God that He did showed me a way to overcome it.Now is my job to let go.I know letting go of someone/an incident/or something that hurts me is very hard to do it but i believe that God will bring me through it and all i need is just time.

taking things for granted

The undescribable feeling is back again.I just dislike this feeling.The feeling of bitterness has filled me once again.I really do not know how to describe this feeling.It is just undescribable.I realised i've been taking things for granted many many times.The commitment of Change doesnt exist in me.WHy??I've been given second chance to change and not to repeat the same mistakes and actions but somehow i took the second chance for granted.And whenever i realise it,i feel regretted of what i've done,my actions.what is wrong with me?i totally not realise of what im doing.I promise to myself to be conscious of what im doing but somehow things doesnt work that way.I do not want to lose such a friendship due to the things i've taken for granted.I just feel so bad.I pray that God will show me the way to overcome this feeling.i really wanna change and not to repeat the same things.I don't want to keep taking chances that given to me for granted.i just want to say i'm truly sorry although i've said it many times.i want to appreciate it.This might be another emotional post here but this is how i can actually pour out my undescribable feelings.

a song that impacted me=) -What about now by Chris Daughtry

Recently i'm kinda addicted to the song ''What about now" by Chris Daughtry eversince after the Change Your World event.This song does impact me alot through the lyrics.Well this is just a simple update.Enjoy the song ya:)

Shadows fill an empty heart As love is fading,

From all the things that we are But are not saying.

Can we see beyond the scars And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.

And open up to

The ways you made me feel alive,

The ways I loved you.

For all the things that never died,

To make it through the night,

Love will find you.

*What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes

To start a new day.

This broken heart can still survive

With a touch of your grace.

Shadows fade into the light.

I am by your side,

Where love will find you.

Repeat Chorus *

Now that we're here,

Now that we've come this far,

Just hold on.

There is nothing to fear,

For I am right beside you.

For all my life,

I am yours.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

Baby, before it's too late,

Baby, before it's too late,

badminton?

Today had a badminton competition organised by my school's badminton club.Well it was my first time joining a competition that related to sports.Frankly speaking ,im not a sporty type of person.Sports is never my type at all.Even in my sports house in school i didnt take part in any events.Just dislike sports since when i was young.But after todays competition,i found that badminton is actually a good sports activity to me.I did enjoyed playing badminton today.I found out that i've always think negatives in sports activities and always tell myself that i cant play at all in badminton although most of my friends 'ajak' me to play last time when i was in secondary school.But after the competition,i realised that why do peoples like sports activities so much especially badminton.Even me myself addicted to badminton.Eventhough i've lost in the game today(but won in the first set),i didnt feel sad or anything because it was a good experience to me indeed,and a good start in playing badminton.Im gonna train more in badminton and looking forward for the next game:)

Todays post is kinda okay i can say after the two 'emotional' posts .Well gonna keep updating this blog as i was kinda left this blog dead in the previous time.

RUMORS!

I bet everyone know what rumors all about right?Rumors is gossip (usually a mixture of truth and untruth) passed around by word of mouth.I do not know why in this world have such a thing call rumor.God creates human not to create rumors.Im so sick of being a topic as rumors.Why cant they just let me live my life being my ownself? I seriously find no advantages by creating rumors and spread to one and another talking about untruth things of others.Yes u can said that im a slut but do u have any proves?if u don't have proves,don try to spread it to others.i know that peoples who like to create rumors are the one who is LOA(abbreviation of lack of attention).I hate people who talks without using their brain cells and simply boast around and talking rumors to peoples about the untrue things.Why cant u stop ruin my life with your rumors??Is my life and not yours and u have no right to say anything about my life.How do i want my life be,is all up to me,and not you.Please look at your own life before u look at others life.Im just being myself.and you STOP creating RUMORS!