to my beloved SISTA!!!

Right here i just wanna wish a very great friend of mine a happy birthday and she is none other than...*drum rolls*

Valarie Su-May Jalleh!!!!!!!
HAPPY 17th Birthday GIRL!!!!
(30/03/10)

so cute rite?



Jamming face

Me and her=)

Last Battle towards my Uni life!

Times really moves so fast.Just a blink of an eye and here goes my upper sixth life and just a few more months towards STPM.Nervous is the feeling that always haunt me everytime i face public exams.I recall back my years when i first sat for my UPSR exam,I was very very nervous and worried i couldnt get good results.After i got my results,I began to say that UPSR is nothing but PMR is something.And when i was about to sit for my PMR,again the same thought.I worried i couldnt get good results that i expected and the teacher expected me to get.When PMR over,i felt that PMR kacang only.But i satisfied of my PMR results although i didnt get what my teacher expected me to get.But i've tried my best.And lastly there goes SPM.In form 5,i really thought that SPM is very very important for my life.I remembered i did played alot and enjoying during my form 4 and 5 life.But towards the SPM examination,i started to get nervous and panic.But thank God for sherene giving me tuition on Science and English Literature subject.I was satisfied with my science subject grade as i never before to achieve that grade when i was in the 2 years upper secondary.As for my EL,it was my first time pass my EL for SPM.Really appreciate the hardworks and afford and time that Sherene had sacrifice for me.But all these are the history of my life.Now is the LAST BATTLE towards my Uni Life.I cant believe i've come so far to this level so fast and it is the last stage of schooling and approaching Uni life.STPM! Really must study extra hard for this exam.This exam is totally difference than the past public exams.This time is not just nervous but feeling scary too.Anyway i just wanna wish everyone who is sitting for STPM this year,all the best and work hard to achieve great results,And May God bless all of you!

a terrible dream

I would say today is a kinda bad day for me.Had a really sharp pain in my head this morning and it caused me cant stay focus in class this morning.I rested aka slept in class almost three period straight.And when i got back home,i took a nap.And theres this dream i dreamt.Its kinda frightening dream that i've never dreamt before.I dreamt that i was late for tuition and it was raining heavily.And all my tuitionmates were gone for tuition except for me and then i quickly run to tuition and as i ran, out of a sudden i was entered into a place where there have all the funeral services were taking place.I was kinda freaked out seeing all those funerals around me.Therefore i quickly ran and search for my tuition centre.As i was searching,i accidentally entered in a room where one of the funerals service were held and i saw the ''body'' lying on a table.I was stunned and suddenly a man approached me saying i have to join the funeral procession.And then i woke up immediately after that,And the minute i woke up,i prayed that Lord will remove whatever dream i dreamt that terrified me.THis is my first time having such a dream.I know dreams cant be reality but it really does frightened me.Will continue pray hard that i wouldnt get such a dream again.

bitterness

Based on my previous post,i was having undescribable feeling that made me felt the bitterness.God really spoke to me about bitterness during todays sunday service.What does bitterness means?It means that causing a sharply unpleasant, painful, or stinging sensation; harsh,or resulting from or expressive of severe grief, anguish, or disappointment .God spoke to me that when bitterness hinders me which means there is unforgiveness in me.This message strucked me strongly that i actually have not overcome the unforgiveness.And what does forgive means?does it means forgive and forget?Well what i've learnt today was when a person forgive someone,he or she will not forget the incident as it is a huge problem for a person and its hard to forget.Dont get me wrong of it that forgive and remembers or holdings back the past.What i mean is human have feelings,and after the incident happened somehow it'll recall back in our memories.But God spoke to me that forgive which means letting go of it and the rest let God settle it.We will somehow recall back the incident but we have to learn to let go and move on.There are always greater things ahead of us.Let go the past and move forward to achieve something greater than our expectations.I really thank God that He did showed me a way to overcome it.Now is my job to let go.I know letting go of someone/an incident/or something that hurts me is very hard to do it but i believe that God will bring me through it and all i need is just time.

taking things for granted

The undescribable feeling is back again.I just dislike this feeling.The feeling of bitterness has filled me once again.I really do not know how to describe this feeling.It is just undescribable.I realised i've been taking things for granted many many times.The commitment of Change doesnt exist in me.WHy??I've been given second chance to change and not to repeat the same mistakes and actions but somehow i took the second chance for granted.And whenever i realise it,i feel regretted of what i've done,my actions.what is wrong with me?i totally not realise of what im doing.I promise to myself to be conscious of what im doing but somehow things doesnt work that way.I do not want to lose such a friendship due to the things i've taken for granted.I just feel so bad.I pray that God will show me the way to overcome this feeling.i really wanna change and not to repeat the same things.I don't want to keep taking chances that given to me for granted.i just want to say i'm truly sorry although i've said it many times.i want to appreciate it.This might be another emotional post here but this is how i can actually pour out my undescribable feelings.

a song that impacted me=) -What about now by Chris Daughtry

Recently i'm kinda addicted to the song ''What about now" by Chris Daughtry eversince after the Change Your World event.This song does impact me alot through the lyrics.Well this is just a simple update.Enjoy the song ya:)

Shadows fill an empty heart As love is fading,

From all the things that we are But are not saying.

Can we see beyond the scars And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.

And open up to

The ways you made me feel alive,

The ways I loved you.

For all the things that never died,

To make it through the night,

Love will find you.

*What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes

To start a new day.

This broken heart can still survive

With a touch of your grace.

Shadows fade into the light.

I am by your side,

Where love will find you.

Repeat Chorus *

Now that we're here,

Now that we've come this far,

Just hold on.

There is nothing to fear,

For I am right beside you.

For all my life,

I am yours.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

Baby, before it's too late,

Baby, before it's too late,

badminton?

Today had a badminton competition organised by my school's badminton club.Well it was my first time joining a competition that related to sports.Frankly speaking ,im not a sporty type of person.Sports is never my type at all.Even in my sports house in school i didnt take part in any events.Just dislike sports since when i was young.But after todays competition,i found that badminton is actually a good sports activity to me.I did enjoyed playing badminton today.I found out that i've always think negatives in sports activities and always tell myself that i cant play at all in badminton although most of my friends 'ajak' me to play last time when i was in secondary school.But after the competition,i realised that why do peoples like sports activities so much especially badminton.Even me myself addicted to badminton.Eventhough i've lost in the game today(but won in the first set),i didnt feel sad or anything because it was a good experience to me indeed,and a good start in playing badminton.Im gonna train more in badminton and looking forward for the next game:)

Todays post is kinda okay i can say after the two 'emotional' posts .Well gonna keep updating this blog as i was kinda left this blog dead in the previous time.

RUMORS!

I bet everyone know what rumors all about right?Rumors is gossip (usually a mixture of truth and untruth) passed around by word of mouth.I do not know why in this world have such a thing call rumor.God creates human not to create rumors.Im so sick of being a topic as rumors.Why cant they just let me live my life being my ownself? I seriously find no advantages by creating rumors and spread to one and another talking about untruth things of others.Yes u can said that im a slut but do u have any proves?if u don't have proves,don try to spread it to others.i know that peoples who like to create rumors are the one who is LOA(abbreviation of lack of attention).I hate people who talks without using their brain cells and simply boast around and talking rumors to peoples about the untrue things.Why cant u stop ruin my life with your rumors??Is my life and not yours and u have no right to say anything about my life.How do i want my life be,is all up to me,and not you.Please look at your own life before u look at others life.Im just being myself.and you STOP creating RUMORS!

Rejection

What does reject means?
From the dictionary it means; refuse to accept or acknowledge,disapprove: deem wrong or inappropriate.
Everyone in this world face rejection and some of them know how to deal with the rejection but what happen to those who cant deal with the rejection that they face?
Alot of things just came across my mind and i realised that i've always face rejection and i doesnt know how to deal with it and overcome it.I've faced many types of rejection and that leads me to fall into depression,hurts and being emo all the time.I'm just so tired of being rejected.Is it a curse for me?i wonder why am i keep facing rejection?I really need acceptance as i dont want to live a life that full of hurts,depression,loneliness and low self-esteem.I just wanna live a life with full of happiness joy and love.
I know that is it very hard to receive acceptance from others in this world but except God alone that hear all of my hurts and rejection and He is ready to accept me whenever i cry out to Him.
I just pray to God that He will grant me acceptance by others.

Circle?

Why am i still remain in the circle?

I already know the answer but why am i still waiting for the answer?

Im living in a circle that keeps me going in the same problems that i encounter and it repeat again and again.

I do not want to get hurt anymore with the same deep hurt.

I'm just so tired of this repeated problems and the same old hurt.

Why do I have such a terrible feeling?

Would it be a better life for me without this terrible feeling?

I thought i was already got rid of this painful and tired circle but somehow I just realised that I am still in the circle that has no exit,

Why cant i just leave this circle?

I really don't want to remain there for the rest of my life.

I just want to get out of this painful circle.

Im tired of facing the same problems that will never make me grow instead of hurting me more and more.

I want to have freedom.

Free from the terrible feeling,

Free from the hurts,

Free from facing the same old problems.

I really need a breakthrough,

I used to tell my friends to guard their hearts when they have the same feeling as me,

But I,myself,

did not show an example of guarding my heart when i face the same thing.

Whenever i have that feelings,I'll just get myself in the trap without realising that it is a trap,the same old trap.

I tend to make assumption by my own according to what i observed and feel

But somehow the assumption that i thought of, was just the opposite of the reality.

I told myself that I will remain strong when problem comes but I am getting weaker and weaker from the inside.

Is this what all the trials about that God is testing me?

I really need the strength from God.

Im seriously tired of this circle.I really want to destroy it once and for all!

to my beloved friends

Right here just wanna wish happy birthday to 2 of my friend who share the same birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KWOK SING AKA SING SING

AND

SANDY NG AKA NENEK MOYANG

(04/03/10)